Good afternoon and welcome to Digital UK, my name is Zoe, may I take your name please?

My, my Blogger, how long it has been. And how you've changed! I don't like it. Change it back. Do it now. No? Why n- oh don't give me the silent treatment. So I see you're as childish as you always were. That's fine, two can play at that game.

...Don't even ask, cus I don't know.

Anyway, it really has been a while, 2 months - more. I would say I've been busy with work, but that'd only be true for last week, with the dreaded 16 hour shift. For today's topic, I'm going to take a leaf out of Andrew's book and go with "A day in the life of just another MGt/DigitalUK employee". Ready for this?


So we'll start with a pretty bog-standard call.
"Good morning and welcome to Digital UK, my name is Zoe, may I take your name, please?"
"Hi there, it's Mrs Smith, I just wanted to ask about this switchover business."
"Alright, how exactly can I help you then, Mrs Smith?"
"Well, I keep getting told that if I don't retune before the 4th of April my TV will never work again, is this true? Is there a time limit?"
"Not at all, you can retune your TV at any time after 6am on the 4th of April Mrs Smith, all that happens is the signal changes, and from then on it will always be there for you to tune in to."
"Oh! That's such a relief, thank you so much!"
"Not a problem, is there anything else I can help you with today?"
"No, no, that's all"
"Well, thank you for calling Digital UK, bye!"

So I might have lied a little there. I never remember to ask if there's anything else I can help with, and neither do I thank them for calling. But that's neither here nor there. I'm a professional, honest.


How about a bit of angry people? A more rare call, but still pretty standard.
"Good afternoon and welcome to Digital UK, my name is Zoe, may I take your name, please?"
"Right, spare me all of that, and forgive my rudeness, but I'm just not very happy."
"All right, well, how can I help you, sir?"
"I doubt you can help me, you're just an advice line for this rubbish anyway, aren't you?"
"We're an advice line for the Digital Switchover, yes."
"Well, I didn't want any of this, I was quite happy to stick to analogue and don't want any of these extra channels and hassle. I want to know who to speak to fix it and change it back."
"Well the Digital Switchover is a governm-"
"Don't talk to me about the bloody government, that's all politics, and politicians don't know anything, they spout on about progress when it's just a bloody hassle!"
"I understand it's a hass-"
"No you don't understand, you're young yet, wait till you get to my age and people start changing everything around you right after you've just got to grips with the last new thing, this progress is a load of bullshit in my opinion. Now tell me, can you help me at all?"
"I don't think I ca-"
"Didn't bloody think so. Useless." [hangs up]

It's calls like those that make you feel like utter shite. At the same time though, can't help but feel sorry for the guy. Still don't appreciate being called useless though.


Oh well, how about we move onto the heartwarming ones?
"Good evening and welcome to Digital UK, my name is Zoe, may I take your name, please?"
"Oh hello Zoe, what a lovely name! I'm Margaret. You're Scottish aren't you? How's the weather up there?"
"Aw, thank you! It's actually quite lovely today, bright and sunny! How can I help you today Margaret?"
"I wondered if you might be able to help me retune my telly?"
"Yep, that should be no problem, if we do run into any problems I may need to refer you to the manufacturer but we should be fine, is that all right?"
"Ohh, that's brilliant, thank you love, now you're going to have to be very patient with me, I'm rather old..."
[I'm not typing out a full retune. If you want that, go call up Digital UK. Actually, don't. I don't want to get any of yous.]
"That's fabby, you should have all your channels back now, Margaret."
"Oh, brilliant! You're an absolute life saver, I don't know what I'd do without my telly! You've been so much help dear, thank you, thank you so much!"
"Not a problem at all, you'll need to do that again on the 18th, but feel free to give us a call back then if you're unsure on how to do it."
"Oh, I will definitely call, I do hope I get you, can I ask for you when I phone up?"
"That's really nice, but I think we'll be much too busy to be able to do that, I'm sure my colleagues will be able to sort you out just the same as me."
"Ohh, I doubt it, not often you find someone so polite and down to earth on a helpline, well, I better let you sort other people out, thank you so much again!"
"Not a problem at all Margaret, it was a pleasure talking to you, bye!"

I almost cried after that phone call. There's nothing quite like the buzz you get from actually being able to help someone - and not only help them, but show them that they're more capable than they think they are. The elderly people I have spoken to in my time at DUK have actually restored my faith in humanity just a smidge. They come from a generation where showing appreciation is actually still valued, and I can't help but appreciate that in itself.


"But Zoe, these calls don't sound too bad, why do you complain about your work so much?"

WELL. At the same time as a lot of my customers restoring my faith in humanity, my colleagues kick it down again. I have never met so many utterly disrespectful people in a customer service environment in my life. I spent the last 3 hours of my 16 hour shift grinding my teeth and trying not to throw a particularly heavy rock at the guy sitting across from me on my pod. Sure, you're tired. Sure, you don't wanna be here. Sure, you might need to be patient. That does not give you the right to treat people like utter shit on the phone. You want them to respect you, be patient when you need to find information for them, be understanding when you just don't know the answer to their question, or give them an answer they don't want? Then you have to return that respect. Be patient when the 82 year old woman needs a minute or two to set herself so she can be on her phone and in front of the TV at the same time. Understand if the slightly deaf man needs you to repeat stuff once or twice. It's basic human courtesy. 


I can't wait for these people to grow old, and see how they feel when they need a little support to do what seems like a menial task to us. See how they like it when someone 60 years their junior treats them like utter crap.

All of that said, them being arses made me all the more adamant to be kind and helpful, so I suppose my callers reaped the rewards.

Well, that turned into a bit of an angry rant! I can almost see the little grey thunderstorm over my head. BUT IS K, I HAVE SKITTLES OM NOM NOM NOM.


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Valentine's Day 2012.

What a generic title. I'm ever so slightly ashamed of myself, titles aren't supposed to have anything to do with my blog, or give a hint at what they're about, what is this bullshit? Oh well, I'll come up with something super creative for the next one to make up for it.

So this Valentines was pretty much spent normally. What I did was irrelevant, but who I met was amazing, so this blog is going to be directed at them.

You, you wonderful person, are very close to me; someone I'm lucky to have. Over the past few weeks, months and years I've learned more and more about you, and all the while grown so much more secure with you.

You have a wonderful sense of humour - we laugh at the same stupid jokes over and over together, and make the same stupid puns (don't ask me to explain about the tree puns, or yew'll regret it. OH GOD N-). You can laugh at yourself as well as the bad stuff - hardship is always easier to get through with someone by your side, poking fun at the scary black smoke surrounding you. Best of all, I can be laughed at without feeling even slightly put upon.

A genuinely good human being. Not perfect - no-one is by moral standards. But it's the little imperfections that make you human. You're a good example of a humanity at it's best - open, caring, and most importantly - genuine. You're perfect to me.

D'you know what's really, really the best thing though? You're me. THAT'S RIGHT, I JUST SPENT MY VALENTINES POST APPRECIATING MYSELF. Because that's what people need to do sometimes. Single people and those in relationships alike need to take a step back and truly appreciate who they are, and stop thinking of themselves as a half to a whole, alone till they find that other half.

It doesn't have to be that way, and it shouldn't be that way. You (and this time, I'm speaking to you, my reader) are fantastic, because you're you. You don't need to be part of a pair to be defined. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

So, this has been my most srs fais post in a while. I like it.


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LEAVE THE FUCKING FISH ALONE, TIQ.

It's my sister's 21st birthday! I wish her a wonderful birthday and many, many great presents. I am of course only writing that in there because if you read this and I didn't say it after mentioning her birthday, I'd seem a pretty shit sister. But no, I'm actually gonna BE there, making her birthday wonderful, and giving her an absolutely FABULOUS present.

It's also two weeks before the dreaded V-Day. I KNOW I'VE DONE THIS POST BEFORE. That was from the perspective of someone who'd been in a relationship for a month and therefore understandably squee-ful about the first Valentines day she'd ever had actually with someone. This time, from the perspective of someone who was in a relationship for a year, and is still healing.

So, now that I'm a bitter singleton, has my view on V-Day changed any? Too right it fucking has. What a bullshit commercialised holiday, designed to make single people feel shit. I mean, what the fuck?! Couples are ALREADY happy in their couples, so what the fuck gives them the right to rub it in our single faces and make us feel even MORE like shit? Seriously, we singletons should build an army and kill half of every fucking couple out there, THEN THEY'LL KNOW HOW IT FEELS.

Ah, ahhahahahahahahahahaha. Can't do it anymore. Though I have to admit, saying "fuck" that many times in one paragraph was oddly satisfying. No, my opinion hasn't changed a jot on the subject, I still think it's an overly commercialised excuse to pay attention to your relationship, and I still resent the fact that single people are completely ignored by the card companies for a day. Hey, we need some commercialising too, y'know! I should sell them my business plan. Pick a month, and make the 14th Singles Day. Print out 10 million cards, sell them all at £1-£6 (only the truly good friends will give their single friends an expensive card, they'll judge you if you don't, buy the expensive card!). PROFIT! It'll catch on, I tell ya.

So how will I be spending Valentines Day?

Why, sitting in my room traversing the wonders of the Mass Effect 3 demo with my wonderful Charlie Shepard, of course.

Who is infinitely sexy, by the way.


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